Whatever happened to Telemachus?

Yes, I know this is a pressing question on everyone’s mind. Or at least it was on my mind the other day when I started wondering what happened after the Odyssey ended and if Telemachus, Odysseus’ son, ever did anything cool. WELL. It turns on Odysseus had another son with Circe, due to his affair he had with her while trying to get home, and his name was Telegonus, and eventually he came to visit Odysseus or something, after his Circe told him who his father was, and it didn’t go well. He accidentally fights Odysseus to the death, not realizing he’s his father. AND THEN Telegonus, his half brother Telemachus, and Penelope, Telemachus’ mother/Odysseus’ wife, all go live with Circe. (???) And then Telegonus MARRIES Penelope, his half brother’s mother/his father’s wife (ew), and Telemachus marries Circe, his half brother’s mother/his father’s mistress (double ew), THE END. Oh, wait, and Circe makes them all immortal.

Needless to say, this was not the tale of adventure and coolness I was hoping for, and I was kind of grossed out and disappointed. Though this story came later, I think, and isn’t supposed to be Homeric, so we can all go, “Well, I’m choosing to believe it’s not cannon,” just like with the last to Pirates movies and move on.

More importantly, today I saw a sugary blue sheet cake with–wait for it–a picture from Avatar printed on the frosting. o__O They also had cupcakes, but the cupcakes weren’t big enough to print on, so they just had pictures printed on paper sticking out of them. At first I saw this display of all blue cakes and was like, “What holiday is it? What’s going on?” and then it wasn’t a holiday at all, just, you know, Avatar.

  1. Chelsea Campbell

    Apparently this all happens in something called the Telegony. But apparently the Telegony is also lost and we don’t have any copies of it, so we can at least hope that’s not how the story really goes…

  2. Chelsea Campbell

    Unless you were talking about the Avatar cake! In which case, I still wish I was joking, but it is indeed THE TRUTH.

  3. Violet

    Ugh. Sounds like the Odyssey got tangled up with season of Jerry Springer. *wonders if the SNL digital short “Motherlover” could have been loosely inspired by the Telegony*

  4. Heather Z.

    Oh, I am so not believing that is canon. Gross. And stupid (by the way, your name drop of the last Pirate’s movies? Busted. Up. Laughing. I am SO on that boat with you). :)

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